WEEK 05



Hello, and welcome to another blog about family relations. I am not the best person to talk about family things because I do not have one of my very own yet. However, today’s topic is focusing on relationships and how they work. For getting into context, I need to talk a little bit about my relationship background. I am from Peru, and it is a country where the dating culture is very different than the American culture. Peruvians begin to date a person, and after the second date, they start to exclusively date that one person. Now, this does not mean that they are boyfriend and girlfriend, but it does mean that they will not date another person. After more dates, Peruvians will finally become boyfriend and girlfriend. Anyways, after serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and not dating anyone for more than two years, I was more than ready to begin dating or that is what I thought. I jumped into a relationship as soon as I could, and I got my heartbroken. Then, had I come to the United States, and I started hanging out with an old friend. She broke my heart after 2 weeks. I decided that I needed someone to date so I can forget that girl. I met this other girl and guess what, we jumped into a relationship again after 2 dates. This one was longer than the others, but after 3 months she too broke my heart. After getting my heart broke 3 times in 7 months, I decided that I need to know and learn how to be happy by myself. I did not go on dates for 3 months. During this time, I learned how to just be happy being single and I was able to enjoy more time with my friends. I also tried to learn new things by myself and I really learned how to enjoy being by myself. Eventually, my friends began to push me to start dating again and after a lot of convincing, I started dating. I started going out on dates, but I felt that it was not like before. This is how I met Kira. We went out on a lot of dates before we decided to be exclusive. I think that this is why my relationship is so solid. I have been dating Kira for almost 8 months, and I have no intentions to break up with her. Now you might be asking yourself why do you care about this. Well, the reason why I explained all of this is because we learned about the “Relationship attachment model.”
CNM 016: Relationship Attachment Model (RAM) - with Jim Gascoine ...
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This chart has five different points demonstrating what to rely on more in a relationship. You first need to begin with knowing the person. It is very crucial to be able to understand the person you are with and bond with them on a deep level. From there you will be able to gain trust in them and you can test this in situations when you need to rely on the other. Now nowadays many people (including myself) have skipped the know aspect of the relationship and begin with the touch. Touch is very trickly because it will lead people to have a false trust in the other person. They may feel that they know someone because they know how their body feels however, this will not make up for lack of personal deeper connections they need to make. I have a friend that became sexually active with a girl he barely knew, and he was so sure that he really knew this girl, even though they met for only 2 weeks. As you can imagine this didn’t last long, in fact, their relationship only lasted those two weeks. This is where I realized what I did wrong for so long. I used to commit more than what I was knowing. I live in a place where everyone is just skipping these steps. This is why the divorcing rate is so high. Sadly here, people would date for 3 months and then they will marry. It is sad how you see people getting divorced within the first year. They are skipping all the steps and going straight to commitment or touching. If you will follow these steps you have a better chance of having a happier and more fulfilling relationship.


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